Wednesday, July 29, 2009

"You know we're living in a SOCIETY"

There is an episode of Seinfeld called "The Limo". In this episode George is at the airport waiting to pick Jerry up for a flight. George asks the man next to him for the time as he is wearing a watch. The man points into the distance and says "There's a clock over there". Shocked, George asks again with a similar results. Finally the man walks away still refusing to tell him the time and George shouts out a line which struck a cord with me...

"You know we're living in a SOCIETY!"

This line struck cord with me the first time I heard because it reflects how I feel about today's society on an almost daily basis.

As a general rule I'm not the biggest fan of "people".

"People", well, they kind of suck.

Not all people and not all the time but almost daily the universe shows me that a startling number of people are freaks, rude, selfish, inappropriate or crazy.

Since this is our blog, Kate and I have the right to vent and rant about whatever we choose. It is with this in mind that I introduce a new element to the site.

From now on when you see a post titled "You know we're living in a society" it will be in relation to a person and/or their actions which shock us. It may be a part of society that really gives us the shits.

I'll get things rolling...

Myer sales assistants.

Let me preface this by saying that I have worked in retail. I worked at Woolworths for 5 years and so that gives me the right to criticise others in the field. During my time on the checkouts I dealt with my fair share of rude customers but this post is not about them. This is about rude sales assistants. While scanning people's items or dealing with their requests I always tried to keep a smile on my face and be polite, this goes for most of the people I worked with too. For the most part I think we succeeded.

It is not hard to go to work, put a smile on your face, greet people politely and in general just be nice. This is not hard labour people, it's retail. I think someone at Myer needs to remind their staff of this.

I don't want to tarnish all Myer staff. Indeed I have come across some lovely people working there who have been very helpful...sadly they are the minority.

At every Myer I have been to I am always surrounded by snooty sales people. Why is this? You are working in Myer, people! Y0u don't own it! Each time I get to a register I have to wait until the sales people finish their chat to be served. I am then greeted with neither a smile nor a hello. I always get the "Myer One?" question which is followed by my goods being stuffed in a bag and tossed at me.

I once dared confront one of these people, politely and calmly I might add. The result was she couldn't even be bothered to listen to me and just chucked a complaint card in my direction. She refused to acknowledge that her service was anything less than stellar...this woman did not say a word to me until I spoke to her at the end of the transaction, in fact, she barely looked up.

I very rarely criticise the service I receive (to the person's face or formally) but I have decided to take a stand. A stand against bad/rude service of any kind. People: suck it up, put on a happy face for a few hours and just get on with it! If you hate your job that much, give it to one of the thousands of unemployed I'm sure would be happy to take it.

Here is a reality check for all of the following people....

  1. Snooty Myer sales assistants
  2. Arrogant trendy/emo teens at Universal/General Pants (side note comb and wash your hair)
  3. Current checkout kids at any of the major supermarkets
  4. Judgemental/apathetic waiters
  5. The beyond rude woman who works at the Windsor newsagent


All we ask for is for you to do the following:

  1. Greet us with a smile
  2. Say "Hi, how are you?" even though you don't care and we know that...just ask
  3. Make polite small talk, you don't have to say much but make a token effort, okay? (this does not go for hairdressers or beauty therapists...we want to relax not to make inane chitchat for an hour)
  4. Treat the items we buy with a little respect. Don't chuck them in the bag and then chuck said bag at us
  5. Smile (again I know, this might be tough for you emo kids)
  6. Say "Thank you. Have a nice day."
  7. Don't think you're better than aren't

So that's my vent for the day, my attempt to bring society's flaws to the forefront. You're welcome, universe.

Monday, July 27, 2009

It's're a moron

So, I was getting my coffee this morning from the local cafe (Raw Space in South Brisbane for those in the know) and I overheard the following from a customer talking to the barista:

"So, they were just not listening to me at all. Everything I was saying was falling on silence."


I just stared at this woman, mouth agape.

Did she not realise how little sense she made? Falling on silence? Seriously?

Falling on deaf ears makes sense. If you are speaking to someone and they are ignoring you, it is like their ears are deaf. Hence, deaf ears. Falling on deaf ears.

You know what, if you don't actually KNOW the saying, please don't try to use it.
But then again, that one is just so far from being right I can't even begin to justify it. It's because of people like that I wholeheartedly support the implementation of some sort of basic intelligence test to see whether someone should be allowed to reproduce.

My other pet peeve "For all intensive purposes...". No, no, no, no, no, no. No.
The saying is "For all intents and purposes...". It's like one day, in a business meeting, someone in upper middle management said "For all intensive purposes..." and then one of the junior staff wanted to express the same thing, but didn't want to correct their superior so said the wrong thing on purpose and then everyone else assumed they must have been wrong because they'd always said intents and purposes and THEN IT ALL JUST SNOWBALLED AND NOW LOOK WHAT'S HAPPENED!


Incorrect use of common sayings?


So we are idiots...

Kate: "Wanna go catch a movie or something?"
Alli: "Perhaps. What and when?"
Kate: "Drag me to Hell is on at 10 to three"
Alli: "Lock that in"
Kate: "See you there at quarter to. Be prepared to freak the fuck out!!!!"
Alli: "Holy shit!"

So it's Sunday afternoon and you're bored. Your friend texts you to see if you want to see a movie. You like your friend and you like movies so you say yes. You are an idiot...and so is your friend.

Both Kate and I are scaredy-cats, we freely and openly admit this yet we also put ourselves through watching horror films. I believe psychiatrists have a name for us but who cares what they say? If you believe the scientologists psychiatry is a load of also believe Tom Cruise is a straight man...but I digress.

So with the full knowledge that we would be scared, possibly have nightmares and suffer permanent psychological harm we went to see "Drag Me To Hell".
This was a mistake.

This movie was FUCKING SCARY! We are not saying it was well made, that the acting was top notch or even that the storyline was great. We are simply saying that this movie achieved its purpose, it scared the living shit out of us. There was jumping and screams and no, sadly, that was not the was us.

This movie had more things jumping out at you than I could count. Things jumping out or just appearing is scary!

This movie made wind scary. WIND! We are not talking cyclonic wind either. We are talking a gentle breeze. A freaking foreboding gentle breeze! A Zephyr, if you will. I've always wanted to use that word in a sentence.

This movie made a handkerchief scary, it was embroidered for god's sake!

This movie had an ending that was in a word...AWESOME!

Fortunately, this movie did not involve any "standing". People just "standing" and "looking" is just about the scariest thing ever! We are looking at you "Knowing", way too much standing in that movie!

This movie got the job done. I've checked the back seat of my car every time I've been in it since the movie. I had to make an active effort to not think about it as I fell asleep last night. Kate freaked herself out thinking there was something evil close by when really it was her cat in the laundry.

Congratulations "Drag Me To Hell" on a job well done. You are not perfect though, you know what I'm talking about...goat.

Oh and Sam Raimi if you are reading this (pretty sure you are) Kate and I think you should make a sequel. We even have a title for you.... "To Hell and Back"...You're welcome btw and we anticipate your check in the mail.

So in closing Kate and I are awesome (just look at the first word in our blog) but sometimes we are idiots (Cafe Conti know what I'm talking about). We also don't learn from our mistakes and I'm sure will torture ourselves again in the not-too-distant future.

So it was a close one but "Drag Me To Hell"?...

DECISION:AWESOME (with some elements of flawsome...goat)

Friday, July 24, 2009

Why Paul Rudd has ruined us for life...

This is Paul Rudd...the world's most perfect man.

Here at A&F we really, really love Paul Rudd or as he will henceforth be known "The Rudd".

The Rudd is perfection personified. You can argue with us if you want but please understand that any attempt to change our minds futile. The Rudd has made life harder as we must accept the fact that no matter how wonderful they are no other man can compare. We would hate The Rudd but how can we?? Just look at that face.

And so we give you the many reasons Paul Rudd is the most AWESOME GUY ON THE PLANET....

1. He was Josh in Clueless, possibly one of the greatest movies of all time!

2.He is gorgeous but you get the impression he doesn't think he is.

3.He was Paris is "Romeo and Juliet" and kind of makes you think she should have dumped that Romeo loser (the guy was a poet for god's sake...LAME)

4. He's BRIAN FANTANA! The best character in Anchorman!

"You're making me look stupid Panda Jerk!"

5. He's Dave in "The 40 year old Virgin"!

"You know how I know you're gay? You listen to Coldplay"

6. He's Pete in "Knocked Up"

"I want to throw you in the back on my Deloreon and gun it to 88"

7. He's Kunu in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"

"Too slow, do less"

8.He's Peter in "I love you, man"

Robbie: "You're not taking these boys to see the Devil Wears Prada ok"

Peter: "Ohh I love that movie"

9. He's Mike in Friends

Mike: Fine, then I'm changing my name.

Phoebe: To what?

Mike: Crap Bag.

Phoebe: What? Mike Crap Bag?

Mike: No, first name Crap, last name Bag.

10. He wrote and stars as Danny in "Role Models"

School boy: Hey nice cow outfit. Where can I pick one of those up at, the gay zoo? Homo

Danny: No, no. It's not a cow. It's a a minotaur. It's a creature of myth. And he got this one out of your mom's closet.

Wheeler: She let me keep it after I fucked her.

Gayle Sweeny: You know what I used to have for breakfast? Cocaine. Know what I had for lunch? Cocaine.
Wheeler: What did you have for dinner?
Danny: Was it cocaine?
Gayle Sweeny: Well, well, well. If it isn't Mr. Bullshit and Dr. I'm-full-of-shit?
Wheeler: In what way are we full of shit?
Danny: Which one of us has the Ph.D?
11. He is consistently hilarious
12. He has admitted that he finds most people annoying, a concept we here at A&F hold very dear to our hearts
13. He looks hotter the older her gets
14. He named his son Jack, not some weird made-up, airy fairy or religious name

15. They are making ROLE MODELS 2 and he is writing it!

So it is for all these reasons and more that we say Paul Rudd we love you and you are now officially...


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Why do you have to ruin it for everyone?

(PS Yes I copied and pasted this image off Perez Hilton's site...but I credited it, so that's okay, right?)

What the fuck, Lady GaGa, is this monstrosity? Seriously? I didn't realise protective Bee Keeping gear was now consider haute couture.

Here's the thing. I LIKE Lady GaGa's song. I felt connected with 'Let's Dance' on a personal level (especially the bit about losing the keys and the phone). Pokerface - fabulous. That new Paparazzi one - gorgeous. But then she has to go and ruin it by being a MASSIVE TOOL.

Sigh. There's being different (step forward the original Mr Different, David Bowie) and then there is just being an attention-seeking wanker. Miss GaGa to the podium please.

Dress like a normal person, I implore you. I didn't want to have to here (that's a lie, I totally did), but:


Friday, July 10, 2009


What is it about the 10th of July??? Why are so many fabulous people born on this day? I personally know 4 people who are celebrating their birthday today. In fact for the month of July I have 9 friends having a birthday! This then leads me to ask what the hell was going on in November 1983?? But that takes me to a weird and scary place, so on second thought let's just forget about that! EWWWWWWWWWWW

This post is a birthday shoutout to 2 very special people...

Firstly I'm wishing my friend Nat McGill the most wonderful day. I went to highschool with Nat but really became friends with her when we began working together. We have been friends for 9 years now and I can honestly say she is one of the kindest people I know. Nat is fun, smart,silly, graceful and stylish, a truly classic person! So Nattie HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

There is another person who is celebrating co founder Miss Kate Robertson! As I was sending her a traditional birthday message this morning it occurred to me that we have now been friends for 20 years! 2 decades! That is truly crazy!

I still remember our first meeting, It was the first day of grade one at FGSS. Kate was the first person I spoke to and unfortunately for me she hasn't shut up since! Our friendship has not been perfect, we've had our fights that's for sure but at the end of the day our fundamental similarities mean we can't NOT be friends.

If Kate thinks something is funny, it's a safe bet I do too. If I think something is crap well again it's 99% likely Kate does too.

Despite the fact that we are both massive sooks who cry at ridiculous things, we aren't gushy people. However on this her 25th birthday I will make an exception. I am very lucky that one of my first real friends is now my oldest friend, who will always be one of my best friends. I'm lucky to have a friend who will call me on my bullshit but 2 seconds later make me laugh. Kate you are one of the funnest, most hilarious, smartest and coolest people I know, a true sister to me. Thanks for 20 years of friendship PANDA JERK!

And so to the birthday girls I give you the following videos! ENJOY!

So in closing...

The month of July, Nat and Kate????


Thursday, July 9, 2009

I think I might be a massive nerd we all know what today is? July 9, you say? There's nothing significant about that date, you say? YOU SAY WRONG! It is now exactly one week (and approximately 2 hours) until Alli and I will be in a cinema watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Yes, we already have our tickets. Does that make us massive nerds? Quite probably. Do we care? No.

I can't tell you how much I love Harry Potter. I remember a time, probably about two years after the first book was published and there was still much hype about it, I blatantly refused to read it. A boy-wizard, thought I. What a stupid idea. There is NO WAY that could be good. It was the first time I was ever wrong. I can't remember what circumstances caused me to read...oh god, I think it might have actually been Alli recommending it, and knowing how similar our tastes are, I gave in.

I don't know where to even begin with how awesome the Harry Potter franchise is. One of my colleagues tried to tell me yesterday that "Yeah, but she's stolen the plotline of so many other fantasy type novels." Um, I'm sorry, but I don't believe anyone wrote 'Good V Evil'. It just is. So, the books are extremely well-written, I think. Because J.K Rowling isn't pretentious (in my head she's not, anyway. Obviously if I was friends with her in real life I'd be sitting on a tropical island with a cocktail right now, not at work). And because she's not pretentious, she doesn't use 5 words when 1 will do (John Steinbeck, I am LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU. Five pages for a turtle to cross a road in the Grapes of Wrath, I ask you?).

And then the movies...well, Casting Director of Harry Potter films, I salute you! Could they be cast anymore perfectly? If there is one fault to the casting of the Harry Potter films, it's simply the fact that I'm not playing Hermione (Sometimes-annoying know-it-all ? It's the role I was born to play). And then, after my success in my role as Hermione again....on tropical island with cocktail, just rolling about in my money, laughing. None of this 'going to college' business. What's about, Miss Emma Watson?

And now, I will leave you with images Harry Potter cast Stanislav Ianevski (Viktor Krum). Turns out Ianevski is only one year younger that me, so turns out - no lay-buy necessary! Sure, he's Bulgarian and I probably couldn't understand most of what he says...but love transcends such trivial matters, surely?

Harry Potter?


Monday, July 6, 2009


For those of you who love "Sex and City" you will know what SSB means. However for those of you who don't let us explain, SSB stands for Secret Single Behaviour. Those little things we girls do that we wouldn't want a boyfriend to see.

I was thinking about this today, about what my hidden pleasures are in life. The things I love to do, my little rituals. I love Who Magazine. I call Friday "Who Magazine Day". I go out I get my Who and a 600ml Diet Coke. I come home sit on my comfy couch, crack open my diet coke and flip the pages.

I love Who Magazine Day. It is not exciting, nor is it thrilling but it makes me happy. Today as Kate said we take time out to appreciate the small things in life that make us smile...



The Secret of Life

So, this weekend was a pretty quiet one for me (Kate). Apart from a drunken night out Friday, which ended in my dancing (awesomely) to Thriller at 2am, I spent the vast majority of the weekend on the couch.

Whilst doing so, it occurred to me what the secret of life is. Please sit down, I am about to reveal what it is and surprisingly, the answer is NOT 43.

Here is the secret of my life:
Letting little things make you happy.

I reached this conclusion fairly quickly after sitting on my ass for about six hours watching an entire season of The Office (the American version). Now, some people may call that self-indulgent. Even (shock horror) lazy. Well to them I say this
*flips them the bird*

After my 6+ hours of couch sitting, which was punctuated by much laughter, I stood up to change DVDs (to Anchorman, but that's another post altogether). When I did this, I didn't think for one minute, wow, I'm really wasting my day. I thought, wow, I'm in such a good mood considering how absolutely hungover I am.

However, maybe I was just still drunk.

Being contented by the small things in life?


Saturday, July 4, 2009

Why "Full Frontal"should come back...


"Was that your plan????!"

Reason #2 to love Ricky Gervais

We here at A &F really, really love Ricky Gervais.

Here is another reason. Oh and FYI if either of us get married this song will be sung at one or both of our weddings. We're just that classy.

Love is free and the freeway's long....'sniff' it sure is sure is


Reason #1 to love Ricky Gervais

Somethings need no words... only dance.

Click on the link below



Elaine Benes is my hero

Let me preface this post by saying that my cofounder Kate is not the biggest Seinfeld fan. She appreciates elements of the show but I don't wish to lump her in with me and my Seinfeld loving ways unfairly. So for the record this post comes from me Alli, so those of you who don't like Seinfeld( you're insane) don't judge Kate for the following...

I love Seinfeld.
Some people worship Jesus. I worship Seinfeld. Lets face it they are both fictional right?
But I digress....

In my eyes Seinfeld is perfect. I have never seen an episode I didn't like or a character I didn't love. It is always hilarious and in my opinion finished far too soon.

I have no one favourite character.I don't play favourites. Having said that Elaine Benes is AWESOME! Thus I direct you to the link below to enjoy someone else's well made tribute


A little perspective

We love "The Chaser".

Do we think everything they do is funny? No.

Do we understand that while some of the stunts/skits are in bad taste, they are never truly mean spirited? Yes!

The boys have been in the news of late but we're not going to talk about that here. If you want to read about that or get on your high-horse about it this is not the place. We at A & F choose to remember and celebrate the hilarious items they usually produce and with that in mind we have only 3 words left to say...HYPOCRITICAL MOUNTAIN GOATS!

The link below will remind you of exactly why we find "The Chaser" to be... AWESOME!

Shaun Micallef is Awesome

In the 90's there was a fabulous series called Full Frontal, we're sure you remember it and if you don't we feel very sad for you. This show was brilliant for many reasons but mostly because it introduced us to Shaun Micallef.

With Shaun Micallef came the awesomeness of Roger Explosion, Fabio, Dr Miracle and our personal favourite David McGahan. "David McGahan's World" is bizarre, askew and hilarious. For those of you who remember him we'd like to reacquaint you and to those who have never had the pleasure...get ready your lives are about to change. We foresee this being the first of many Micallef related posts and to that end we begin with what is arguably the best video...

"David MaGahan's World- Cats"

Kate likes cats.
Alli does not like cats.
However we both love David McGahan, he brings people together like Nelson Mandella (that kind of rhymed...extra awesome).

Shaun Micallef and his many incarnations???


Click on the link below....DO IT NOW

Friday, July 3, 2009

Don't Stop 'Till You Get Enough

Here at A & F, we don't want to get to heavily into issues that are totally really in the mainstream media, or be too political. We're not smart enough for that.

But how can we possibly ignore the Michael Jackson subject?

He was a controversial character, that cannot be denied. However, we here at A & F believe the following
a) he probably did have young boys sleep in his bed. However, although that is grossly inappropriate, we feel that in this case it was probably innocent. He had such a childlike mind himself, for whatever reason, that he probably really didn't see a problem with it, although the rest of the world did.
b) his music, his dance is beyond measure. He, as we see it, passes the likes of Elvis, simply because unlike Elvis, he was CREATING the music.

We were incredibly saddened (although not necessarily shocked) by his passing.

What do you think? We welcome input.

Here at A & F we say:
Michael Jackson's music:
Michael Jackon's death and circumstances surrounding it:

And Coming Soon...

...the list of Flawsome people 2009. You knew that was coming, surely?
You didn't?

James Franco is's why

We have an obsession with James Franco. We don't need a reason but will give you some anyway. We have 2 words for you "Pineapple Express". We have another 2 words for you "Knocked Up". Finally there is "Acting with James Franco", the links below will take you to smiletown and it's a quick trip.

James Franco???


Acting With James Franco Episode 1: "Sense Memory"

Shared via AddThis

The List of Awesome People 2009 (celebrity edition)

There is a scene in "Knocked Up" where Ben asks Allison if she knows Vince Vaughn. Ben thinks Vince is an awesome guy (who doesn't??) and firmly believes if they were to meet they would be friends. Like Ben I also believe that if I met them I would be friends with several famous people. This belief may be misguided, you may think 'Alli you're an idiot' and to you I say...SHUT IT!

It is with this theory in mind that Kate and I developed "The list of Awesome People 2009 (celebrity edition)". The list is in no particular order and is able to grow and change at a moment's notice....

Tom Hanks
Jeff Goldblum
Meryl Streep
Alan Rickman
Emma Thompson
Natalie Portman
Ewan McGregor
Meshel Laurie
Ricky Gervais
Stephen Merchant
Judd Apatow
Seth Rogen
James Franco
Paul Rudd
Jason Segal
Neil Patrick Harris
Jason Bateman
Kate Winslet
David Bowie
Steve Carrell
Mindy Kailing
John Krasinski
Rain Wilson
Emily Blunt
Vince Vaughn
Lily Allen
Adam Hills
Mick Malloy
Tony Martin
Hamish Blake
Jermaine Clement
Bret McKenzie
Jerry Seinfeld
Sam Neill
Bette Midler
Shaun Micallef
Owen Wilson
Ben Stiller
Michael Caine
Liam Neeson
Rachel McAdams
Jennifer Saunders
Dawn French
Richard Curtis
Eric Bana
Johanna Lumley

The list continues...

Feel free give suggestions on who you think is AWESOME!!!! If we think they make the cut then magically they will appear in the list (by magic I mean we will type them in)

Arrr, me hearties!

You know what we enjoy - awesomeness that is brought to us. Being inherently lazy, it saves us going searching upon things that are awesome.

Our dear friend of the site, Holly (rank: AWESOME) recently pointed us toward the Pirate-English function on Facebook.

If you go to the bottom of your Facebook page, next to the Copyright symbol there is a hyperlink (i.e blue writing) which opens a new window allowing you to select your preferred language...choose Pirate English. I assure you, hilarity will ensure.

Your Home Page becomes Home Port, you can 'Weigh in' on your 'matey's' 'scawlings'. Even the emails Facebook send you are in Pirate English.

If you are like us, and believe that Pirates (the fictional Johnny-Deppesque ones, not real Somalian ones that overtake Oiltankers) are awesome, then get on board (pun intended) with PIRATE ENGLISH ON FACEBOOK.

Decision: AWESOME

We have opinions...they are awesome and coincidentally always right.

Frozen Coke.

Frozen Coke is awesome. It's awesomness is indefinable yet unquestionable.

If you don't love Frozen Coke please get off our site.

That is all.

Alli & Kate

Wait, hang on! More things to say

I totally just realised I forgot to say what was AWESOME today. Today's AWESOME item is iPhones. Yes, you may know of their awesomeness - but I am re-inforcing your pre-held beliefs.

Did you know you can draw on it? And use it as a LEVEL? And a MAP? A MAP! That's crazy talk, crazy!

iPhone, I love you.


Our first post

Welcome to Awesome and Flawsome.

This site is for us to bitch and whinge about people, basically.
Or things. We don't like a lot of things.

For an example, the first example of FLAWSOME is this hideous dress.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! It looked like it was designed by a drunk monkey trapped in a glitter factory.

And don't you start with us about how it's a representation of a sunset and the Opera House (in Sydney, people).

And the designer is try to say about how she might produce a commercial version of it. For the love of God, please don't.

We vote this - FLAWSOME.

Welcome, readers. Get on board the Awesome and Flawsome train (and believe me, I am saying that, not yelling it and following it with a WOOT WOOT!)