Thursday, August 27, 2009


"Dancing in the Dark" by Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen

Dammit this song is AWESOME! Every time it comes on, we can't help but break out some 80s dance moves (see the video below).

On a deeper lever, we have come to believe that The Boss is a secret genius.

But Kate and Alli, that is absurd!! you say

Well, well, well we STRONGLY DISAGREE! Here's why...

  1. The song was released in 1984. The greatest year in the history of time! All the most influential and awesome people were born in 1984. Take for example Delta Goodrem...we thought that would shut you up.
  2. He goes out in the evening and comes home in the morning. He ain't nothing but tired. Bruce..OMG...YOU'RE RIGHT! We're tired too, when we stay out all night. Perhaps Bruce is nurse who works night duty?? Yes, we're sure that's it.
  3. He has clearly studied the fire triangle and/or studied chemistry, because after much research we discovered that you really CAN'T start a fire without a spark. Wow!
  4. Bruce states with certainty that "Something is happening somewhere". Again how does he know this??? There are people everywhere and they ARE doing SOMETHING! Bruce, please continue.
  5. He says, you got to stay hungry. We tried this by not eating today, Bruce was right...we are just about starving tonight. He's like a doctor. A doctor of life.
  6. Bruce advises that you can't start a fire, whilst you're sitting around crying over a broken heart. You mean water and fire together don't mix??? We're shocked, that explains SO MUCH! We have been trying to light fires for years but we thought the water was meant to go on when trying to light it, not put it out. DUH!

So there you have it. Bruce Springsteen is a GENIUS!

However A&F would like to make a safety announcement...

Dancing in the dark can be very dangerous. Particularly around stairs, open windows, criminals and people trying to hire guns (there is something shifty about not wanting to own a gun outright, it's also very un-American).

Enjoy learning kids...

"Dancing in the Dark"??


Actually dancing in the dark??


Religious Education

Happily, I wasn’t forced to attend this in primary school. Thank you, Atheist Parents! However, this post is not about learning about Jesus Christ and his awesome magic skillz. It’s about….


Okay, so hands up who knows what it is? A Church (It is called the CHURCH of Scientology, after all…)? No. Wrong.
A Cult? Maybe. The best business idea ever? Fucking spot on.

I could not have less of a belief system if I tried. As Carrie says in SATC, I was raised in the Church of being nice people, etc. Only I got kicked out of that as well, but never matter.
However, I don’t begrudge others of theirs. Until it effects me. And then I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers! (Ezekial 25:17).
Sure, that passage is from Pulp Fiction and doesn’t exist in the actual Bible (Yes, I checked), but you’re picking up what I’m putting down, oui?

ANYHOO, Scientologists. Do you want to know what they believe? It’s so hilarious I don’t even know where to begin.
Basically, it goes a little something like this:

1) Galactic Overlord named Xenu
2) Decided his planet was overpopulated. Shipped people in pods to earth and put them in volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs.
3) Had a net over the earth, caught the souls of these people.
4) Those souls now infect us, basically causing all the bad things in our life. They are called ‘Thetans’. But never matter, with an official Scientology Audit you can rid yourself of your thetans. TREMENDOUS. Sign me up (to any Scientologists reading, please note the sarcasm).

BUT here’s the funny bit. You don’t learn all that until you’re up to the highest levels of Scientology. At which point you’ll have parted with many hundreds of thousands of dollars and many hours of your time. So I totally understand why people get stuck in Scientology. Because how embarrassing to get to that stage and go “Oh…that's what I'm meant to believe? And I’ve paid you how much? Ahhhhh....shit.” Some of the original Scientology papers state that if you learn this before you reach these higher levels, you WILL DIE. Sorry guys, looks like I’ve just cursed you all to an early death. I should have put a spoiler alert.

But look, now that you know that, also know this: Scientology was founded by a CRAZY chap called L.Ron Hubbard.

Just look at him! If he's not the definition of creepy, I don't know what is! Who would follow a religion started by this man?! He's wearing a cravat, for God's sake! A CRAVAT. For a man who's a bit loose in the jowl-region, he should consider some other form of neck-wear. That goes for you too, Matt Preston. I know you're reading this. You can thank me later.

Mr Hubbard was a sci-fi writer (wow, the story about a Galactic Overlord called Xenu must have been a bit of a stretch for you to develop!).
He also once said this
“The only way to get rich in this world is to start a religion.”
Wh…ho….I don’t….understand…..?
After knowing this, how can anyone POSSIBLY even consider Scientology as anything but an awesome plan to prey on the weak minded?!
I’m not-so-secretly pissed off I didn’t think of it first.

So next time someone on the street asks you whether you’d like to participate in a free personality quiz, tell ‘em Xenu sent you!
And the stupid and weak-minded amongst us, part with your hard earned cash and enjoy your air diet. That’s what I call natural selection.
(For those of you wanting to learn more about the hilarity of Scientology, I suggest this site:

Natural Selection: AWESOME
Scientology: FLAWSOME
Our new religion called KateAlliology, now recruiting, $10,000 entry fee only!: TOTALLY AWESOME

Monday, August 24, 2009


So yesterday we here at A&F discovered some very exciting news...FLEETWOOD MAC ARE TOURING!

We LOVE Fleetwood Mac! Not only are their songs all time greats but the legend behind this band is so twisted. It's like The Bold and the Beautiful, without the bad acting, "fashion" shows, disturbing old people making out and self-righteous old women in unflattering pant-suits.

When the group started there were 2 couples John & Christine McVie and Lindsey Buckingham & Stevie Nicks. Mick Fleetwood (who after watching the video below, we now believe to be one of the coolest dudes EVER) was not involved with any of them, however had the honour of watching both relationships disintegrate (as most inevitably do).

We've always loved "Go your own way", but loved it even more when we learnt the story behind it.

Lindsey Buckingham wrote it about Stevie Nicks. When their relationship came to an ugly end, he wrote this song...on which she was forced to sing backing vocals (THAT'S SOME COLD SHIT!)

Lindsey always thought Stevie was cheating on him, something she has steadfastly denied. The line "Packing up, shaking up's all you want to do" is a dig at Nicks, she asked him to take it out of the song...he refused.

We won't go into the band's other dramas...let's just say, they are one fucked up group of people...that's one of the many reasons we love them.

So below is a live performance of the song...we're sorry about the penguin but it's best just to go with it (it was the 70s after all)

So "Go Your Own Way"?
Fleetwood Mac touring?
That weird penguin thing Stevie Nicks is playing with in the video??

Friday, August 21, 2009


So to help me pick today's song, I decided to consult a higher IPhone. The IPhone is good. The IPhone is wise. The IPhone has a shuffle feature which picked a song for me, saving me from actually having to use my brain.

So what did the mystical, all powerful IPhone choose???

"Dangerous" by Roxette

Clearly my IPhone is a fan of 80s music and bad 80s hair, but I'm not here to judge. I couldn't judge even if I wanted to. The IPhone is better than me and I know it. It's smarter, hipper, thinner, prettier, cooler, nicer, more popular and it doesn't even have a personality...OR A BODY! But let's leave my inferiority complex for another time...this is a happy place for happy thoughts.

I really love this song and I REALLY love the hilarious video!

So IPhone?




Wednesday, August 19, 2009


"Cold as Ice" by Foreigner

So I have a totally awesome sister, her name is Heather. My sister and I are fairly similar except for two small differences. While I (Alli) am a sooky-la-la who has been known to cry at Neighbours, Heather is a tough nut. I can count on 2 hands the number of times I have seen my sister cry, sadly I don't think Heathie can say the same. In fact I think she would need some kind of giant scroll, but I digress...

This song always reminds me of Heather, I think of it as her anthem. Her anthem of coldness. I often sing it to her. Just kidding...kind of. She is great...most of the time.

Anyway enjoy

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Kate and Alli's Adventures in Stupidity Part 2

There are times in our lives, when we all make mistakes. If we're smart, we learn from these mistakes and don't repeat them...unfortunately Alli is not smart, neither is Kate.
After "seeing" (by that I mean peering through our fingers) Drag Me To Hell, I remember us saying the following...
Kate "Why do we do this to ourselves???"
Alli "I don't know, but NEVER again"
Well tragically for us, Past Kate is a moron and Past Alli is a dirty liar. We did do it again. We went to see Orphan.
You know what's stupid? Knowing you are a massive sooky-la-la, standing outside the cinema saying "This is a giant mistake" AND STILL GOING IN!
Future Alli & Kate (who we imagine are brilliant, rich, beautiful and awesome), we implore you...NO MORE SCARY MOVIES. You can't handle it. It will always end with regret, you running to your car and having know this...BE SMARTER!
Now, onto the movie...
Well let's start with a big WTF!!!!!!
That movie was truly fucked up! At one point Kate was curled into a ball and Alli had her hands over her face and eyes closed for a good 5 minutes straight! In the same way Drag Me To Hell made wind scary, Orphan succeeded in turning everyday things into instruments of horror.
  1. You know what's terrifying...Fridge Doors! Every time someone is looking in a fridge, you know when they close it, some freaky shit is going to be standing there (you know how we feel about standing).
  2. It destroyed Glory of Love! The song that usually reminds us of Bette in Beaches, is now the devils song! However at least there wasn't any carousel know shit is about to go down, when that starts playing
  3. Those of you who went to Ferny Grove Primary will remember fondly our Adventure Playground. Well those happy childhood memories are OVER! Now it's just a place full of little hidey-holes for crazy, devil children to jump out AND FUCK YOU UP!
  4. Iphones. Regular visitors to our site will know how much we love our Iphones. Well this stupid movie had to go and destroy that! Alli has had to change her screen icon and ringtone...thanks Orphan, that's 30 seconds of her life she'll never get back
  5. There are a lot of tools in this movie (no we don't mean tools of the Rebecca Wilson type, though THAT would be scary. We mean actual tools). At first we gave Esther the benefit of the doubt. We tried to believe the following...

Maybe she is just taking that hammer to do some repairs for the family?

Maybe she is just going to use that screw driver to make a cake?

Maybe she is putting her arm in that vice to earn some money to buy the mum flowers?

Let's just say that in trying to believe the best, we were wrong....VERY WRONG!

When we left the cinema, already traumatised, it was windy. Drag Me To Hell windy. Alli had to run from her car to her house, whilst Kate was scared by a soccer ball (we're sure it had evil was carrying an Iphone after all).

The lesson here people, is simple and for the next week (if that) it shall be our motto here at A&F....


So, in closing...

Not being insightful enough to learn from your own mistakes???



I don't even know the words to this song. But it really, really does not stop me singing along to it.

In my opinion, it's the ultimate pub song, the kind everyone on the dance floor is singing (or just shouting, really) to...and then busting some awesome moves to! As soon as I hear those first bars of music, I am grabbing anyone within, well, grabbing distance and dragging them to the dance floor, post haste!

And if Dexy's Midnight Runners isn't the best band name ever, I don't know what is.


Come On Eileen?


Monday, August 17, 2009

"You know we're living in a SOCIETY!"

Yep, it's time for one those posts.

I hold the door open for people. All the time. I think it's the polite (and right) thing to do.
You know what ELSE is polite? Saying thank you.
I was at the movies the other day (seeing Harry Potter: The Half Blood Prince for the second time, thank you very much. I honestly don't think I could be any cooler if I tried) Anyway, I was going to the bathroom and there was a mother and a small child making their way out. So, of course, I hold the door for them.
For ages too, as the random toddler was walking like, well, a toddler and blah, blah, blah, I practically missed the movie holding the door for them.

But thanks! This is a major pet peeve of mine (really, Kate, we didn't pick that up based on the fact that you're devoting multiple paragraphs of text to it). So, of course I say loudly anyway "You're welcome!". Point made.

Is it impolite to point out when people are being impolite? Probably. But otherwise they'll never learn. And look, I'd like to think that the next time someone holds the door for that woman, she'd say thank you. I think I've made the world a better place. You're welcome, universe.

People with poor manners?


The 2009 Flawsome List (celebrity edition)

When we first started A&F, we brought you the 2009 Awesome List (celebrity edition). Now it is time to bring you it's's evil, evil twin.

Essentially, the inclusion criteria for this list is as follows

  1. You must be a "celebrity". This means you must have been featured in NW magazine, at some stage.
  2. You must be a tool, arrogant, drug-fucked, trashy, a dirty smoker and/or untalented
  3. You can, but don't need to be an over-the-top feminist
  4. You should be overly opinionated. These opinions need to be poorly supported and even more poorly expressed (this usually involves yelling, walking off and/or hanging up on people)

So now that you know what it takes, here it is....IT IS GLORIOUS!

Rebecca Wilson (Were you personally involved in the Matt Johns scandal? No? Are you also bitter about your absolute FAIL on the Footy Show? YES. So shut the hell up)

Germaine Greer (Just because you are ‘outspoken’ doesn’t make you right. Shut up)

Lady Gaga (See earlier post)

Perez Hilton (Now, not a year ago – got too famous to run your own site)

Agyness Deyn (Or whatever the hell her name is. Stumbling around drunk or high putting on whatever happens to be on the ground, does not make you a style icon...go to rehab!)

Lara Bingle (So, you were in an ad once? And now you’re engaged to a Cricketer? Remind me again why you’re famous)

Kate Moss (Mmm – drug addled! My favourite kind of model)

Christian Bale (What he says is hilarious...not awesome)

Evan Rachel Wood (Homewrecker)

Marilyn Manson (Oh, please. It’s almost TOO easy)

Sienna Miller (see Evan Rachel Wood)

Lara Bingle (Yes, she’s on here twice. She’s THAT annoying and pointless)

Anna Wintour (We’ve seen the Devil Wears Prada)

Camilla (How…*turkey slap*)
Labrat (Did…*turkey slap*)
Stav (you get on radio? *turkey slap*) oh and all 3 of you, GOTCHA CALLS ARE NOT FUNNY!

Kyle Sandilands (How did YOU get on radio? Unintelligent, vile, creature who perhaps should be shot like a rabid dog).

And Jackie O (Just because she’s associated with the above!)

Gracie Otto (for dating Matthew Newton, after he was charged with beating his previous girlfriend...NOT SMART)

Matthew Newton (Beating women and then starring on a hit television series? How did you swing that one? Pun intended!)

Sean Penn (Takes himself a little too seriously)

Andre Leon Tally (Why do you work at Vogue? You tacky, label-obsessed, tasteless freak!)

Heidi Montag (You married Spencer Pratt)

Spencer Pratt (You married Heidi Montag)

Mischa Barton (Put down the crack pipe honey!)

Lindsay Lohan (You broke our hearts! Why did you have to start out so awesome?! It would have been better if you had just sucked from the beginning)

Kristin Stewart (Blinking not acting! Also DROP THE ATTITUDE, remind me again what you have to be surly about???)

Kimberly Stewart (Your father is famous, you are not. Please go away and cut your stripper hair)

Paris Hilton (Vile)

Jordan aka Katie Price (Even more vile)

Samantha Ronson (Riiiiiiiiiiight you're a "DJ")

Kevin Federline (White guys rapping...not cool. You are not Eminem. Oh also STAY AWAY FROM BRITNEY)

Joe Jackson (Promoting your "record label" 2 days after your son/meal ticket dies...classy)

Amy Winehouse (We don't even know where to start)

Bai Ling (You have heard of clothes, right?)

Isabel Lucas (You belong in a caravan park. Possibly with bongos)

Lady Sovereign (How dare you do that to an eighties classic. You are NOT forgiven)

Phoebe Price

Scarlett Johannson (You married Ryan Reynolds. That’s reason one)

Lisa Rinna (Step away from the collagen)

Rumer Willis (Your parents are famous, you are not...please go away)

Phil Gould (Only when he’s coaching/talking about NSW. Otherwise some of his comment are totally valid, for someone who so closely resembles a toad).

David Reyne (You were in a crappy band from the 80s. You now host a truly awful morning show, in which you think your musical taste is refined and highbrow...PLEASE SHUT UP)

Marcia Hines (You have lived in Australia since the 60s. We find it very hard to believe that you haven't even picked up a hint of Aussie accent...that's right we're saying your American accent is slightly bunged on)

Mickey Rourke (For the LOVE OF GOD put a shirt on!)

Denise Richards (See Mickey Rourke)

Hayden Panetteire (You think you’re so darn good, just because you harp on about protecting Dolphins? You know what – how about donating some of your hundreds of thousands of dollars? I think that would be more helpful)

Audrina Patridge (Meet my eyeline, Audrina!)

Tara Reid (Shudder)

This list is able to grow at any time.

Having to accept that these "people" breathe the same air as us: FLAWSOME

Having our own blog in which to berate them: AWESOME

That's all.


"Fascination" by Alphabeat

I love this song! It's sounds like it belongs in some fabulous movie from the late 80s/early 90s. You know the movies I mean...Big, Three Men and a Baby, Ruthless People, Overboard, Outrageous Fortune the list goes on.

In a world filled with crappy, sad-sack, emo music, and music where instruments and singing are all but eradicated, this tune gives me hope. I can't see people wearing all black and too much eyeliner listening to this song, which makes it all the more fantastic in my book.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy...



Friday, August 14, 2009


I can't even believe I'm admitting this in public...

I love Will Smith's music. Not Will Smith himself, I fancy he may involve himself in Scientology (now that is an entire post for later).
But every one of his songs....I can't help but dance to, in my white-girl way.
I still have clear memories of skating around busting a move on my mega-cool rollerblades to Boom! Shake the Room. Those were the days.

Then there's this - I swear to God I listen to this every time I'm getting ready to go out. Oh, and alright, yes, a little bit already drunk.
Don't you judge me!


DECISION: That's what I'm talking about! AWESOME

Thursday, August 13, 2009


" On Tour" by Bliss n Eso

So here's the thing, I love this song! I usually hate Australia hip-hop, it always seems a bit desperate and fake to me.

Whilst these guys wear way too many hoodies and baseball caps(I really hate that!), I can't help but think this song is fun and hilarious.

Now I should make one final thing clear, I'm a white girl who has no delusions that I am in any way hip or cool. I do not hip hop dance, if this was the 90s I would not be wearing cross colours and I currently own every Britney Spears CD.

So with all that said, enjoy (oh and once again I'm really sorry about the hoodies)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


"Edge of Seventeen" by Stevie Nicks

This song is AWESOME! Sure clearly she did WAY too many drugs in the 70s but I think Stevie Nicks is kind of fabulous. She's a bit freaky-deaky but who cares? She was in Fleetwood Mac for god's sake! If you know anything about the story of that band, you will know how much more fantastic their songs become.

But today is not about Fleetwood Mac, it's about Stevie. So strap yourselves in and enjoy...

"Edge of Seventeen"??


Monday, August 10, 2009


I would like to state, dear reader, that I am doing this FOR YOU.

I am in a world of pain (which yes, I brought onto myself) but I am breaking through that pain barrier to bring you Song Of The Day. I hope you appreciate this.

The Song Of The Day is '22' by Lily Allen. I'm a massive fan of Lily, and have been since her first song Smile, because I like a good ol' fashion song about revenge.
Anyway, I kind of identify with '22', although I'm not 30. It sort of captures how I feel sometimes. I identify with the film clip too, especially the idea that when you look in the mirror when you're drunk, you think you look awesome. Granted, most of the time I do, but you get the idea...

Anyway, enjoy!



The tribe has spoken...Jeff Probst, you are still so AWESOME!

Back in 2000, we here at A&F developed a disease called Probstaliosis. It's a very serious condition, for which there is no known cure.

Essentially it means that we love Jeff Probst and nothing and no one can change our minds.

Symptoms include the following:

  1. Wanting all men around you to have a rugged 5 o'clock shadow
  2. Wishing that all men wore shirts rolled up at the sleeve, slightly unbuttoned and little dirty (We're not talking "homeless" dirty but "I've been on location in Africa/China/Cook Islands/ Australian Outback and don't have a washing machine" dirty)
  3. Thinking that hacking through a forest on the way to a helicopter, is just about the coolest thing ever
  4. Wanting your friend to say "The tribe has spoken" and snuff out a torch at your funeral
  5. Getting ridiculously excited at being somewhat linked to Probst, or meeting someone who has met/knows him
  6. Wanting to wake up and start your day with someone saying..."Previously on Survivor"

It's been 9 years since Survivor first aired, yet we still think Probst is as cool as the first time we saw him.

The guy is awesome, no question.

He mocks the contestants.

He clearly enjoys baiting them with awkward questions at tribal council.

He has an awesome job and hasn't taken that for granted.

He has many great catchphrases which you know he loves, such as...

"Wanna know what you're playing for?"

"I'll go tally the votes"

"Once again, immunity is back up for grabs"

"Come on in guys"

and the greatest of all...

"The tribe has spoken"

Jeff Probst makes the universe better. Consistently cool for 9 years.

Jeff Probst?


Friday, August 7, 2009

Follow us on Twitter!

That's right, kiddies. We can use the internets.

Allison is Alli888, and I'm Katetheunicorn. Don't ask me why. Possibly because I like the idea of having something I can stab people with on top of my head. Oh, the hilarity that would ensue.

Follow us on Twitter so you know of our updates AS SOON AS THEY HAPPEN!


You stay classy, interwebs.


So we're introducing another new element to the site called, "Song of the Day".

Essentially we will just post daily, a song we think is awesome. It's as simple as that people.

We should add that we will NOT be turning into Perez Hilton. We do not want to shove our musical tastes (awesome as they are) down your throats. We do not, nor will we ever, see ourselves as musical gurus. Oh and side note, we think the fact that Perez now has his own record label is vile! The guy is a gossip columnist for crying out loud! Oh and Perez btw, if you call Lady Gaga either wifey, gagaloo, our lady or any such obnoxious nickname again, we will have to be committed to the psych ward because WE CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

Now onto today's song...

"Don't Stop Believing " by Journey

OK so this song is AWESOME! Why? Because it's a classic. It's not about fancy beats, just some dudes from San Francisco rocking out on actual instruments. It's fabulous because it makes you sing along with it, oh you can try to fight it but it will get you in the end. You can crank it in you car and end up with a big smile on your face, because it's a fun song and you can sing it as badly as you want.

Below are the links to two versions of the song. The first is the original by Journey the second from the show Glee. Go now people to Itunes and buy it. This song makes the universe better!

"Don't Stop Believing"???


Thursday, August 6, 2009

I will fight you.

I googled Rebecca Wilson. What I found digusted me beyond belief.
One of the speaker’s bureaus she’s listed with calls her ‘Queensland’s gift to the nation.’. OH DEAR LORD.
I can think of many other gifts to the nation that we here in Queensland have given. Such as The Great Barrier Reef, Wally Lewis and, well, Alli and I.
Rebecca Wilson could be considered a gift, I suppose. If a gift was defined as something you wish never existed and who you mostly feel embarrassed for.

She was asked, once, why she thinks people dislike her. Her response was ‘“Because it’s sport and because I’m a woman and because ... I tell you what, I said to someone on radio the other day who was working with me, ‘Don’t take me on and put my back to the wall because I’ll fight you and I’ll win. Don’t do it’.”
WRONG, Rebecca. It’s because you’re a moron.
And I will take you on. Bring it, bitch. Any day of the week.

She’s always sticking her big, fat, mouth in where it doesn’t belong. Like when she opened up her trap during the Matthew Johns rape furor. I personally believe that in this case, it was the female that was at fault. I actually believe Matt Johns’ story. I don’t think that in all cases, but in this one the girl sounds like some dumb slut who should’ve known better. And puh-lease. SEVEN YEARS of depression and thinking about suicide? Unlikely. If you’d be thinking about it that much you would have done it already.
Anyway, I digress…
She started ranting and raving about this poor girl, how she was such a victim, blah blah blah. She was acting like she was there, like she alone knew the truth. WRONG AGAIN, Rebecca. You’re nothing but a dirty journo. Not that all journalists are dirty, but if she wants to call herself a sports reporter…you know what, report sport.
Otherwise, do us all a favour and go work for News of the World, where truth is as flexible as a drunk yoga instructor.

And now all this Broncos business. Please. I openly admit I’m a great Broncos supporter. However, I know, like all men, they’re bound to do stupid things from time to time.
But then ol’ Beccy gets involved and just….grrr!! I’m so angry I can’t even verablise my anger! And I’m great at being angry.

I’m a big believer in the fact that people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Does everyone here know she was arrested MULTIPLE TIMES for drink driving?
Well, she was. So she’s not only a drunk…but a stupid drunk, too. And they’re the worst kind. Not in a stupid drunk like I’m a stupid drunk kind of way, when I believe I am awesome and should pretty much win So You Think You Can Dance.
You know what, drunk driving could cost people lives. You, Rebecca, I’m not so worried about. It’s the other people on the road.

Her attempts (succesful, unfortunately) to gain attention just by being outspoken are, at best, pathetic, at worst, evil.
It reminds me of something Romy (of Romy and Michele's High School Reunion) once said:
"You're a bad person with an ugly heart, and we don't give a flying fuck what you think."
I think that sums it up nicely.
(She's also ugly in the face!)

As a side note, I would encourage you all to listen to Meshel Laurie V Rebecca Wilson on the Matt Johns issue from earlier this year. It’s been one of the highlights of my year, radio-listening-wise and just another reason we think Meshel Laurie is awesome, but that’s a post for another day.


Rebecca Wilson: FLAWSOME

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Back off!

I buy awesome lunches. I am very rarely organised enough to plan for my lunches during the week, so I tend to make use of the numerous cafes/restaurants/sandwich shops in the South Brisbane area.

And I'm not afraid to buy tasty food. I openly admit it. My food may not nearly be as healthy as some of my work colleagues, but damnit it's tasty and if I have to carry a bit more cellulite because of it, then damn it, I will! I love my food. In fact, I just love food full stop. Mine or anyone elses.

Which brings me to the rant - you like the look of my food? You know what? BUY IT YOURSELF! I rarely buy my food from a location that is more than 100m away from our offices. But, guaranteed, each time I bring it back to the office there is undoubtedly AT LEAST five people who'll look at my food, comment 'Well, gee...that looks nice'. And then pause, looking at it, and looking at me.
What's that? You want me to offer you some? HELL NO, BITCHES.
I have no problem sharing food, at all. But don't try to be all subtle about it. Come to me, say, hey, that looks awesome, can I have a chip/wedge/taste/chicken leg/shoulder of ham? Do not stare at it, and me, drooling, until I begrudgingly offer you some. We're wasting time, people. Ask for it, I won't be offended and let's face it, I'm generally too polite to say no. Plus, I'd do the same to you.

Or, better yet, stop your denial and say I LOVE FOOD, TOO and buy your own damn wedges.


My lunches: AWESOME

You lusting after my food: FLAWSOME

Monday, August 3, 2009

Oh Katherine Heigl, why must you disappoint us so?

Oh Katherine Heigl, where shall we begin??

As a wise woman once said, we should start at the very beginning (apparently that's the very best place to start).

We used to love Katherine Heigl.

We thought she was an awesome chick and for a while we believed we were right in that assumption.

The following reasons prove that we weren't crazy

  1. She was/is (sorry for being ambiguous but the finale was a cliffhanger) Izzie Stevens on Grey's Anatomy For the first few seasons of that show (before it all got a bit...well..crap) she was one of the best characters/actors on it. She helped make Izzie funny, relatable and the most normal of a pretty insane bunch of characters. She won an Emmy too (for what that's worth).
  2. She isn't a size 0. She looks like a woman. She has curves. She makes girls who live in the real world feel a little bit better about themselves.
  3. She is 1.73cm tall. She isn't some petite waif who makes the women around her feel like giants.
  4. She played Alison in the AMAZING movie Knocked Up. Awesome name and awesome movie. She was funny and fabulous in it.
  5. When her friend and co-star T.R Knight was called a gay slur on the Grey's set by Isaiah Washington she stood up for him. At the time Katherine responded to the comment by saying: "I don't think [Washington] meant it the way it came off, but T.R. is my best friend. I will throw down for that kid. I will beat you up. I will use every ounce of energy I have to take you down if you hurt his feelings."
  6. When Washington continued to speak publicly about the incident she again came to her friend's defence saying "I'm going to be really honest right now, he needs to just not speak in public. Period."; "I'm sorry, that did not need to be said, I'm not okay with it."
  7. She has guts and opinions and isn't afraid to voice them. We used to have a lot of respect for her and how honest she seemed. However honesty also has to be self-edited. Anyone with a brain knows, that sometimes it's in every one's best interests to keep your opinions to yourself.
  8. She's lazy and we get that. She has said "If I wasn't in this industry, I wouldn't work out. But I have hips and a butt and everything that goes along with that, including cellulite! So I do the best I can."

She seemed so cool and then somewhere along the way something went horribly wrong.

We've been down this path before, when someone we thought was totally cool and awesome turns out to be the complete opposite (We're looking at you Lindsay Lohan). It saddens us greatly to say this but Katherine Heigl - you have become a total fuckwit! You disagree? Well, sadly, we have proof:

  1. Knocked Up was her first big, starring role in a major movie. It was a huge success and it made her a movie star. Then she went ahead and took a big bite of the hand that was feeding her and said this about it..."It's a little sexist. It paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as lovable, goofy, fun-loving guys. It exaggerated the characters, and I had a hard time with it, on some days. I'm playing such a bitch..."
  2. She's a working actress. She has a steady gig on a hit show, whilst millions of unemployed and possibly more talented people wait tables when they can. Despite this, she slaps everyone in the face. After her first day back on the set on Grey's she had the following comment to make "Our first day back was Wednesday and it was — I’m going to keep saying this because I hope it embarrasses them — a 17-hour day." Well boo-freaking-hoo! I'm sure most people would rather work 17 hours a day than none at all, or work 17 hours in a thankless job for no pay.
  3. She's a dirty smoker...that's all we need to say about that.
  4. In response to her criticism of Knocked Up Seth Rogen had this to say... "I gotta say it's not like we're the only people she's said some batshit crazy things about. That's kind of her bag now." We love Seth Rogen (aside from the excessive weed smoking) and will back him all the way!
  5. She's ungrateful
  6. She's unprofessional
  7. She's gutless...if you want out of Grey's QUIT! Give the job to some poor actor who needs the money
  8. She need to get over herself STAT!
  9. She's an idiot. Judd Apatow is one of the biggest writers/directors/producers around at the moment and she has pissed him off...not smart.

Katherine, we don't want to dislike you, we can't hate you because...well...we just really love Knocked Up. We want you to be normal again and for the old you to come back. We want you to get over yourself and realise that no matter how "bad" you think your life is, at the end of the day you are paid millions of dollars to dress up and play pretend.

So, it is with a disappointed heart that we say...

Old Katherine Heigl: AWESOME

New Katherine Heigl: So very FLAWSOME