Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Kate and Alli's Adventures in Stupidity Part 2

There are times in our lives, when we all make mistakes. If we're smart, we learn from these mistakes and don't repeat them...unfortunately Alli is not smart, neither is Kate.
After "seeing" (by that I mean peering through our fingers) Drag Me To Hell, I remember us saying the following...
Kate "Why do we do this to ourselves???"
Alli "I don't know, but NEVER again"
Well tragically for us, Past Kate is a moron and Past Alli is a dirty liar. We did do it again. We went to see Orphan.
You know what's stupid? Knowing you are a massive sooky-la-la, standing outside the cinema saying "This is a giant mistake" AND STILL GOING IN!
Future Alli & Kate (who we imagine are brilliant, rich, beautiful and awesome), we implore you...NO MORE SCARY MOVIES. You can't handle it. It will always end with regret, you running to your car and having nightmares...you know this...BE SMARTER!
Now, onto the movie...
Well let's start with a big WTF!!!!!!
That movie was truly fucked up! At one point Kate was curled into a ball and Alli had her hands over her face and eyes closed for a good 5 minutes straight! In the same way Drag Me To Hell made wind scary, Orphan succeeded in turning everyday things into instruments of horror.
  1. You know what's terrifying...Fridge Doors! Every time someone is looking in a fridge, you know when they close it, some freaky shit is going to be standing there (you know how we feel about standing).
  2. It destroyed Glory of Love! The song that usually reminds us of Bette in Beaches, is now the devils song! However at least there wasn't any carousel music...you know shit is about to go down, when that starts playing
  3. Those of you who went to Ferny Grove Primary will remember fondly our Adventure Playground. Well those happy childhood memories are OVER! Now it's just a place full of little hidey-holes for crazy, devil children to jump out AND FUCK YOU UP!
  4. Iphones. Regular visitors to our site will know how much we love our Iphones. Well this stupid movie had to go and destroy that! Alli has had to change her screen icon and ringtone...thanks Orphan, that's 30 seconds of her life she'll never get back
  5. There are a lot of tools in this movie (no we don't mean tools of the Rebecca Wilson type, though THAT would be scary. We mean actual tools). At first we gave Esther the benefit of the doubt. We tried to believe the following...

Maybe she is just taking that hammer to do some repairs for the family?

Maybe she is just going to use that screw driver to make a cake?

Maybe she is putting her arm in that vice to earn some money to buy the mum flowers?

Let's just say that in trying to believe the best, we were wrong....VERY WRONG!

When we left the cinema, already traumatised, it was windy. Drag Me To Hell windy. Alli had to run from her car to her house, whilst Kate was scared by a soccer ball (we're sure it had evil intentions...it was carrying an Iphone after all).

The lesson here people, is simple and for the next week (if that) it shall be our motto here at A&F....


So, in closing...

Not being insightful enough to learn from your own mistakes???


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