Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Do I look like some kind of moron to you?

No, don’t answer that, I’ll only get offended.

So, I generally think a lot of the population is at least of a ‘functional’ level of intelligence, i.e, they know enough to get through the basics of their day.
Some people do not know much MORE than that, but that’s not the point I’m making today.

I don’t think I particularly LOOK like an idiot. Maybe this is where my theory all falls down, maybe that’s exactly how I look.
Regardless, I can’t help but get the impression a lot of people mistake my wide-eyed innocence (ha) for stupidity.
For example, the other day I was down at Bunning’s (and that, my friends, is a whole other post. I LOVE YOU BUNNINGS!), purchasing some paint.

So I order the paint, and the chap starts making it and then comes back to me and asks what I was painting, to which I replied “Oh, just a feature wall in the lounge room.”
“Oh. Do you have a paint roller?”.
Now, that in itself does not sound too bad. But it was the way he said it. Slowly. Loudly. The way you would speak to a kind of person that has a ‘pants before shoes’ sign in their room.
Well, No Mr, I don’t have no roller! What’s a roller? I was planning on standing on the carpet, pouring the paint over my head and then just rolling myself along the wall in an artistic fashion. This is how it is done, no?

And then, about two days after this I was getting some cold and flu drugs from the Chemist. This time, the female attendant was telling me I should have a maximum of four tablets from the two different kind of drugs I had.
“So, that’s TWO from this packet, and TWO from that packet….so four in total, not four from each…”
REALLY?! SERIOUSLY?! I really look like the kind of person that can’t do the maths a five-year-old could do?!
I’m surprised she didn’t talk me through the process of using the EFTPOS machine and how I needed to press the pretty red and green buttons.
Hell, I’m surprised she assumed I needed to trade “money” for “goods” to make a “purchase”.
Of course, that whole ‘being polite’ thing overtakes me once again, and instead of saying
“LADY – I’m not mentally retarded” I say something more like “Okay, great, thank you. Two from each.” This probably just serves to exacerbate the problem. DAMN YOU MANNERS!

This problem has been plaguing me my whole life. I remember at High School, despite finishing within, oh, I don’t know, the top 3.5% percent of the state, I still managed to take home the ‘Biggest Bimbo’ award.
Granted, it was a tie. And I still claim whoever was counting the votes had it in for me and clearly just confused me for another Kate.
I MAY have managed to trip down the stairs in front of the 300 or so other people at the formal whilst accepting the award – but I fail to see how this makes me a bimbo.

So what is it?
Is it my magpie-like attraction to shiny things?
Is it that vacant, lifeless expression my eyes have in photos when I'm not really smiling?
Is it my habit of speaking THEN thinking?
Is it the fact that I often forget my pants?
I don’t know. But I do know this:

If a person is standing in front of you, fully dressed, coherent and NOT drooling and NOT wearing a super-hero mask and cape when they’re 25, that’s probably a relatively good indication that they know they need a roller to paint the wall.

People generally assuming you’re a little bit retarded?


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